Gizmodo
Why would you ever need to do this? Well, we aren't exactly sure. But there is likely a situation somewhere in the world where a person who only has a nano on them and needs to defend themselves against an attacker. This strange guide was written by ex-marine, Brad Collom. Check out all 8 methods after the jump. My personal favorite is poisoning a tea bag using the lithium-ion battery and letting someone drink tea made from it. Thanks to tuaw for the image.
1. Break it in half with your hands (very easy to do) and use the glass viewing screen's broken edge as a razorblade to slice the jugular when they are looking the other way.2. Take off one sock (a dress or tube sock; pantyhose will work in a pinch), place the Nano in the sock, swing it around as fast as you can (being careful to not hit yourself), and whack the intended target right on the temple.
3. Take the reflective shiny part and catch the sun's ray and shine it in a vehicle driver's eyes, or if you are at a rock concert and the lead singer is prancing around on a center stage that protrudes into the audience like a phallus, you can use the same technique.
4. The cord on the earbud headphones can be used to strangle someone. A knee in the back can give extra leverage.
5. Dig a pit about 5 feet deep, then take about 15 3-foot-long stakes 2 inches in diameter and sharpen one end to a fine point, like a very sharp pencil. Jam the sticks at least a foot into the ground, with the sharp ends pointing up. Cover the hole with pine boughs, grass, and leaves. Treat the Nano like a slice of cheese pizza in a deep, hot oven and place it gently in the middle.
6. Carefully unstaple a tea bag and pour the contents on a plate. Break into the lithium-ion battery pack and saturate the tea with the battery's poison, then dry the tea in the sun (or with a hair dryer if you are in a hurry). Put tea back in tea bag and bend the staple back to its original position. Put the tea bag back where you got it.
7. Download to the Nano "We've Only Just Begun" by the Carpenters. Tell someone you will give him or her your Nano if they listen to that song a hundred times in a row.
8. Hide the Nano in a bowl of lutefisk, then take it to the annual Norsefest Lutefisk Eating Competition in Madison, Minnesota.
Good luck with the killing. Gizmodo is not responsible for any harm you do to yourself or others with these steps.
Eight Ways to Kill Someone By Using An iPod nano [Via Coolest-Gadgets]
Comments
You forgot one tip, "shove Nano down their Ipod loving throat until unable to breathe". hows that one.
Did someone say "teabag"? o1o
This one came in from Gill Bates: Dethrone the iPod from position of leading digital audio player, and watch as all iPod fanboys drink their poisoned Koolaid, believing that Jobs will collect their souls in his apple-shaped, commet-trailing spaceship.
WinduSucks, dont be silly, we all know that the holy spaceship is shaped as the iPod wheel, but you guessed rite about the commet_trailing. And whats wrong with poisoned Koolaid? do you prefer Tang? or maybe Clight?
I know, I know, I spelled "comet" incorrectly. So much for a witty, scathing remark. Please pass the Koolaid (though, perhaps given the intended celestial destination, Tang would be more appropriate).
I seriously doubt the headphone cord would survive a strong tug when wrapped around someone's neck. I think the Carpenter's song is probably the most lethal.
Some point by point thoughts on this article. 1.) Here is what would happen: Victim-"What are you doing?" Killer-"Stay there while I break this Nano and kill you." Victim-"I'm-"I'm going now." Killer-"Just one more second." 2.) A roll of quarters would work better and probably be less suspicious. 3.) Works best on vampires. 4.) The headphone cord will only strangle giant earthworms and infants, but can decapitate somebody who is made of tofu.-Very useful! 5.) A Nano as bait, a dollar bill is cheaper and doesn't look so conspicuous. Of course the author didn't mention any of the other James Bond villain methods of death, pit of piranhas, sharks with lasers, hole of rabid naked mole rats, etc... 6.) "Damn- this tea tastes awful. I think I'll toss it away." Use only on tea drinkers that have no taste buds. 7.) A mix of Yanni,Celine Dion and Kenny G is a garonteed kill. Singly they have been proven to be only slightly less deadly than Vogon poetry. They are the chosen iMix of Dr. Kevorkian 8.) -Two problems with this method of death. The majority of the Nano would dissolve in the lye infused fish. Second, anybody that can survive eating lutefisk will survive eating a Nano.
he forgot shove it up there bum and wait for disentary to kill them. sheesh what a amature!
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